I'm concerned about the organization of my paper if I am specific enough on who would own the item I have chosen If I have fulfilled the right criteria.
Brad, Your orginization wasnt the best, it got a little confusing and repetitive towards the begining of the paper but after that it became more clear. I defenitely felt you made it clear on the consumers who would purchase this!I do think, if you wanted, you could add another group to that. People who want to APPEAR to be rich or high class. I think you fulfilled the criteria, but i think you could add more aspects of the I phone to make it less repetitve. You didnt mention any thing about the fact that it also stores music and can be used as an ipod and phone. Im not positive but i thought it could also store pictures and if it is a camera as well you should def. add a paragraph about taht!! You mentions those things in your intro but then dont discuss them later on :). I thought the intro and conclusion were really good, as well as your thesis! I also put some stuff on your paper to try and help :) -Kaitlin
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Brad,
Your orginization wasnt the best, it got a little confusing and repetitive towards the begining of the paper but after that it became more clear. I defenitely felt you made it clear on the consumers who would purchase this!I do think, if you wanted, you could add another group to that. People who want to APPEAR to be rich or high class. I think you fulfilled the criteria, but i think you could add more aspects of the I phone to make it less repetitve. You didnt mention any thing about the fact that it also stores music and can be used as an ipod and phone. Im not positive but i thought it could also store pictures and if it is a camera as well you should def. add a paragraph about taht!! You mentions those things in your intro but then dont discuss them later on :). I thought the intro and conclusion were really good, as well as your thesis! I also put some stuff on your paper to try and help :)
-Kaitlin
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